High-level Pentagon employee accused of theft

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A high-level employee at the pentagon has been charged with three counts of theft. So what did he steal? Government secrets? Cutting edge weapon technology? Historical war artifacts? Nope.

Brian Whitman, an official in the defense department, noticed that a white Lexus belonging to a neighbor’s Nanny was frequently parked in his neighborhood using a guest pass.

Apparently annoyed due to the limited parking available, he left a threatening note.

 “I know you are misusing this visitor pass to park here daily,” it read. “If you do not stop I will report it, have your car towed, and the resident who provided this to you will have his privileges taken away.”

Two days later, Whitman stole both of her license plates. After the family she worked for had her license plates replaced, the nanny had her rear plates taken a second time.The plates were replaced once again, but this time the family installed a camera facing the street. Sure enough, Whitman stole the rear plate a third time, but this time there was video evidence.

Officers arrived at Whitman’s home with a warrant. He turned the license plates over to the police, and was later charged with three counts of theft. The charges will be dropped if he pays $1,000 in restitution, does 32 hours of community service, stays away from the neighbors and their nanny, and doesn’t get in trouble for 10 months.

For the record, the district department of transportation said it’s perfectly legal for nannies to use visitor parking passes at any time.