After 25 years of marriage, couple reveals how to be a better spouse

TAMPA, Fla. - Pastors Brad and Stephanie White have been happily married for 25 years, but they'll tell you it's been work.

A big part of their contentment comes from communication.

"One of the things that’s held our marriage together is that we deal with things we don’t bury it," said Brad.

"Nothing needs to be hidden with a partner, with your spouse. You can’t hide it. You’ve got to bring everything out in the open," said Stephanie.

When problems arise, they try to understand each other.

"I’ve learned you go into it wanting a quick resolution. I go into it, not needing a resolution, wanting to be heard," Stephanie said to Brad.

As a couple who counsels other couples, they say they see two big problems crop up in marriages.

"Money and sex. If you made a mistake be open and be honest," said Stephanie.

Pastors Brad and Stephanie White have been happily married for 25 years

"They get married, and she has her account, and he has his and they kind of cross pollinate to pay certain bills, and personally we think that’s a recipe for real trouble because it’s a trust issue," said Brad.

The Whites have shared their marital advice with relationship coach and author, Matthew P. Hoffman, on his podcast.

Hoffman has learned a thing or two in his own 27-year marriage.

"Conflict is inevitable. It’s going to happen in every relationship no matter how successful or stable it is. I think you have to fight fair meaning you’re not going to do anything that’s going to degrade or demoralize your spouse," said Hoffman.

"I don’t want to say things that are damaging, and I think that’s a big thing for both of us. Words are very powerful and your words matter," said Stephanie.

The Whites and Hoffman said working on their marriages doesn't just help them, but strengthens their families. 

"The greatest gift you can give your kids is a red-hot marriage," said Brad.

"We really have to have a unified front on what we’re going to do and how we’re going to do it, and it’s important for my wife and I to model our children what a health relationship looks like", said Hoffman.

"Our kids have seen that you can disagree, that you can make mistakes, but a marriage is not the end over that", said Stephanie.

And they say date nights are crucial.

"Just face to face eyeball to eyeball. Become best friends again.  Find something you like about each other and reconnect," said Stephanie.

"Date night is really a friend to communication because you’re talking, and you’re having a good time, and you need that break away," said Brad.

"You’ve got to keep dating your wife. You’ve got to create those opportunities. We take turns with anniversaries. I’ll plan it one year, she plans it the next," said Hoffman.

And working on your marriage can pay off in other ways.

"It’s worth it because if you have that investment in your relationship it’s going to spill over into success in your career, into your relationship with your kids, your community," said Hoffman.

For more information about Matthew P. Hoffman, https://matthewphoffman.com/meet-matthew/.